my mother got us china

tweaking the recipe just right to make the longed for Christmas cookie
beautiful, color-filled lights on the tree, without saying a word
needing nothing
simplifying the entire process
the joy of the next few weeks
the annual Meyer sale
making perfect sense - to him

where to go

getting out of the way
a still-beating broken and battered heart
acceptance
beginning the process
enduring what seems to be unbearable pain
loving anyway

This is it

accepting that we're all we've got
knowing all will be well
realizing the waiting is almost over
looking forward to time away
having X Files for him to enjoy
living my only life
praying mightily

no man-purse for him
Friends
it does matter where we live
baskets
Steve and Barry's
candles
friends

RICHIE!!!!
Tosh
this is my life
no worries
knowing where it's going
being genuinely happy for my dearest friends
news channels
reconnecting
the way the fork-in-the-road turns into a good decision

Blessed

having a daughter who writes this:

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

30
Thirty is a crisp, clean number. It's solid. Thirty hints at what may have happened in three decades.

Thirty means that time has passed but that there is still time to come.

Thirty means dedication, commitment.

Thirty has memories of slammed doors and raised voices, but thirty also clearly remembers a walk down the aisle and the feel of a newborn baby, small enough to fit in the palm of your hand.

Thirty is beautiful. Thirty is melancholy. Thirty is proud.

Thirty is love.

Happy Anniversary, Mama and Daddy!

list

organized
character
Omar
red
30
Bengie
almost
puppers
city
friendship
dessert
enough

not wanting to kill my husband for cheating on me

knowing that my husband would never cheat on me

still feeling immense love - coming AND going - after 30 years

having a child who understands that marriage takes work, but people CAN stay together

him and me individually and us together

Surprise of a WIIIIIIIIII and accompaniments on Mother's Day

At last, the end-of-the-tunnel light brightly shining as we wave goodbye to Hillary

Best planned plans that I can no longer recall for a Father's Day extravaganza

Getting through the ever diminishing piles of dvds, books and magazines

Happy jumpy, crazy puppy and the older brother and sister who watch him with amazement, wonder and shock

My place in my life right at this moment

harvest

American Idol finale

chips, wine, hubby, unexpected phone call

4 weddings and no funerals

new baby excitement

Costco

C. S. Lewis

incredible books and the permission to let go of the not-so-incredible

David Cook

the joy of game-playing

vacationing with my husband
never-expected memories
The Office
knowing around the corner is just around the corner
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!
my sweetest girl
the birthday extravaganza
Safeway and free delivery
Tosh still being Tosh
enjoying ABBA - yes, the lovefest continues
Neil Diamond tickets
the GIANTS, no matter what

Missing her but knowing that he and I are good

Househunters

Retirement, places and grandchildren...mostly grandchildren

Wine, snacks at Costco, life in general

Thank you for the music

singing and dancing - both badly - but absolutely not caring

sharing a special night with my favorite daughter

enjoying delectable food, wine and conversation

keeping my mouth shut when not asked - like EVERYONE else - where we were going

a random Tuesday transformed into one of the best days of my life

knowing my husband is happy, but still having him comfort me when I am not so much

having my heart crack in places I didn't know existed, but finding that, with a threaded needle, it is possible to love again...in ways I didn't know existed

wearing the orange-and-black while watching the orange-and-black and high-fiving and low-crying with strangers who feel what I feel

baseball, anytime, anywhere

birthday blessings

Every year, like most everyone else, I have myself a birthday. My little family seems to make each one grander than the one before. On April 6th, I was surrounded by the love of the people that matter the most to me - I love my family more than anything - it is truly impossible for me to adequately fill the canvas with the colors that would effectively reflect the incredible people who love me the most. Simply stated, they are wonderful, and they allow me to feel wonderful - thank you....that's the sum of it all.

happy almost birthday to me

extra well-done cheeseburger with some quite stupendous fries - I mean S T U P E N D O U S F R I E S

the very concept of Satan clapping while sinful folk are fornicating

gooey chocolate pie-cake-mousse dessert supporting a flickering-flamed candle

my dearest friends - with all that they are and all that they are not - providing me with tidbits of gossip, assuring my glass is always more than half full, supplying their usual cachinnation, delivering - generously, if not graciously - tales to tell

welcoming arms to wrap around my words as I share what I know - piece-mealing additional memories as they come to me

that pinch of time when my husband and I occupy the same space on life's continuum

incredible words that are uttered at just the right time, reminding me that maybe I did a not too bad job

scrumptious dinner in an equally scrumptious environ

quite tasty bottle of carefully selected vino

company of family and significant attachments

commonalities still discovered at any age

time to buy new pants

gutters on both sides and all the way around

Saturday night in Napa

the best expectations

he will and she will and they will

looking down the 10-year road and believing that life will be wonderful

belonging to the outside that is so much bigger - and quite possibly, better - than the inside

knowing that I do not have to steer the car on my own

focusing on what can be

loudly singing along with the music I have heard for most of my life

discovering a new message while following the notes and words for the thousandth time

the wonderful surprise of a shiny new red laptop arriving before the original shipping date

finding one more Pamprin just before - some might say after - getting so incredibly bitchy that a cliff was looking mighty good

knowing I am immensely loved even when I arrive at the place mentioned above

discovering that both letting go and doing something about it (insert personal "it") are not only possible but amazingly doable

Dan Abrams

just to get the idea

On the subject of positively thinking positively, I am significantly grateful for:

child
husband
puppies
home
faith
friends
life